Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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