whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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