Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
