I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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