you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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