just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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