i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
