Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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