I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
