why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
