Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
