How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
