be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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