Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
