porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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