Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
