Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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