I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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