I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
