we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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