I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
