What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
