Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
