Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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