Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
