we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
