my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
