if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
