I cockslap morals
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
