Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
