Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
