it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
