I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
