at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
try to milk me bitch
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