So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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