Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
