we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
