i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
