Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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