just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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