I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
