you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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