I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
