shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
