i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
