I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
there is puke in my bra ... again
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