I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
