Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Screwed.edu
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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