The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize