tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
