You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
