My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
