just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
