how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
