Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
