I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
