I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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