He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
