I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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