i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
