my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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