I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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