Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
