tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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